I have been so busy that my magazines have been piling up in the magazine rack in my toilet. So for the past week, I have been catching up with Oprah, and as expected, there were articles for me to ruminate about, such as this one about the twenty questions every woman should ask herself – part 2. I don’t remember reading about part 1 but will search for it.
So, try asking yourself some of these questions:
1) Do I Feel at Home?
During a birthday lunch last week with my primary classmates, we asked the birthday girl, who just turned 50, on her reflection. Her reply? She has never felt at home in Singapore, somehow, she felt she doesn’t belong here. Where then? I asked. Peru, she replied.
I, on the other hand, am a homely sort of person, so much so that some would describe me as lazy. I love staying home. My bedroom is more comfortable than a five star hotel bedroom, with more cable channels, firmer mattress and bigger bathroom.
But more than that, my boys feel the same way too as they are more often at home than out.
2) What should I try today ? (Magazine has adventurous suggestions from five folks in the know)
Today, I am watching Chinese Movie Festival as recommended by a friend.
3) Am I doing this right?
Whether it’s wearing your hair or dressing according to your age, I never know. All I know is, this is the question I ask whenever I sit to meditate.
4) Am I smart? – I think I am smarter than most, since the question is there.
5) Am I funny? – ditto
6) Do I have enough money?
I am not sure. My financial director, aka hubby, assures me that if we live simply, our retirement should not be a problem. But what if I want to be comfortable? Or can we afford a little lavish? Keep asking that question until I find the answer I want.
7) Do I have enough fun?
My friends is forever telling me that I am having too much fun, much to their envy. But for someone who prefers to be lazing at home and still have fun is indeed easier to achieve than for my friends who work full time.
8) Do I have enough friends?
Friendships are a two-way street. I put in effort for the friendships I cherish. So if I want to go for a movie, I have a movie friend; for a spiritual talk, spiritual friends; a concert, concert friends, exercise friends, vacation friends, PSG friends, primary classmates, secondary classmates, JC classmates, siblings, cousins, and if they are really not available for me, I can always depend on my hubby, or Ivan, my son, who is my movie date tonight. These are for fun friends, some of whom also double up as my listening ears for when I have to gripe and complain. I am thankful for them.
9) Should I be having more sex? Overrated question.
10) Do I enjoy my own company? Yes….I think.
11) Am I waiting for my real life to begin?
No, although I can envision a totally whole new life should my writing career takes off. But if not, this is fine too.
12) Do I feel my own feelings?
After years of practising meditation and mindfulness, I can confidently say yes. I feel it, but whether I can control it is another question.
13) Do I really know what I think I know?
I know I don’t know plenty. But there is always google.
14) Do I see myself as others see me?
I get exasperated when someone close exclaims, but how will others see me? I feel I am as true as I can and how others see me is how I see myself – direct, bad hair, dress down and impatient.
15) Am I ready for whatever comes?
This has to do with resilience and truthfully, I feel I am not there. I don’t know how I will react or function when disaster or sickness struck. I try to imagine the worst case scenario, and take lessons from those who had experience, but this I shall never know.
16) What is my blind spot?
I am too judgmental, and can jump to conclusion much too quickly. So there.
17) Am I overthinking things?
Buddhism and mindfulness practice have helped me in many ways about how my mind functions. I am aware of how my mind drifts but I still need practice.
18) Am I ignoring the obvious?
My biggest blind spot is how I treat my youngest son Aaron. I know he knows what he should be doing and yet I nag and our relationship is poorer because of this. The obvious is to treat him like an adult and gently nudge him. But I am too impatient when emotions are involved.
19) Have I made peace with my past?
When I was talking to my grandmother about my estranged father, and the Chong family whom I have recently reconnected, my grandma showed me her fist, and demanded that such a father did not deserve acknowledging. But then I asked her, as how my brother had asked me, should I be carrying this burden into my coffin (I don’t expect to have a grave)?
In the recent memoir writing workshop, I realise many of my workmates are also in the process of making peace with their past. I feel I am at peace.
If my future is exactly how I am living my life right now, I have no complain. But I do have a ten year goal of maintaining my current weight, maintaining my run and yoga/meditation, and hopefully attend writer’s residency program globally like my mentor.
Now how about answering these twenty questions yourself.