The Losada Ratio to A Good Relationship

I learn about the Losada Ratio from Ass Prof Maureen Neihart of NTU.

In the papers last Saturday, she talked about the how one can be happier by looking at the Losada Ratio, which is the ratio of positive to negative statements we make in our daily interactions. The larger the ratio, the better the outcome for individuals, couples and even companies.

For couples, a ratio of 5:1 was needed for a healthy and loving marriage, while a ratio of 1:3 means the couple are heading for divorce. This was predicted with 90% accuracy by scientists.

The Losada research suggests that we need a ratio of positivity in our daily interactions that’s at least three times as many positive comments as negative in order to keep our relationships strong.

So if as mothers, you find yourself scolding, blaming, or criticizing your child/teenager more than showing expression of support, praise or encouragement, you now know why your relationship with your teen is poor. As I am trying to practice mindful living, this means not only paying attention to the content of my speech, but I now have to mentally count the number of positive to negative comments I make daily.

There is a tipping point to the Losada Ratio of 11:1 but most of us need not worry about that, as while most of us have more positive than negativity in our relationships, many of us are below the tipping point of 3:1 necessary to maintain strong relationships.

I know of some people who never have anything positive to say. Are you one?

As an employer: When the maid’s cooking is bad, there are criticisms aplenty, but never a praise when the food is good.

As a parent: Complaints about poor attitudes, untidy rooms, bad marks, irresponsibility, procrastination… okay, I admit that’s me!

As a husband: lamenting about his wife being a lazy at housework, bad mother, unfaithful…yes, this couple are proceeding with divorce as of now.

So if you really want to build a good relationship with anyone, take note of your Losada Raio. If you have called your son lazy, irresponsible and slow today, you have better think of nine positive comments to compensate the relationship, which may be very difficult.

So mothers, hold your tongue.





About vickychong

Just an ordinary woman.
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