As I was about to take a nap yesterday afternoon so that I won’t fall asleep during Ajahn Brahm’s talk last night, a friend called me. He is undergoing marriage counseling and I have been giving the couple support. It’s difficult because he expects me convey to his wife his expectations of her, hoping that she will change to save the marriage. Despite six sessions of counseling, he blames his wife for the marriage failure still, even when I pointed out to him that whatever his had complained about his wife, the same faults were reflected in his actions by what he told me. I had told him to do a self reflection but like any human beings, it’s easier to spot the flaws in others.
After the long talk, I dragged my tired mind to join the jam at PIE to go to the Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Temple for Ajahn Brahm’s talk. His talk last night was Life Beyond Death and succeeded in keeping me awake. He is a wonderful speaker and despite catching a cold in freezing Korea where he was last at, he did not fuss over his hoarse voice and stuffy nose, except to mention in passing at one point that he had signed an organ donor card that allows the doctor to remove every organs on his body, although they might not want his nose now, for it is all blocked.
Anyway, while there, I bought his newly launched booklet, A Little Wisdom that makes a Huge Difference. It’s was an easy read and immediately I wished my friend would practice some of these little wisdom and save his marriage:
1) Building good interpersonal relationships requires communication. When communication fails – try compromise. If attempts to compromise fail- forgive and tolerate.
2)Anyone who scolds or get angry with you says more about them than they say about you.
3)All the disturbances in the mind come from the delusion of “self” that thinks, controls and manages.
4) Attachment to views will stop one from even getting onto the path of ending suffering.
5) Complaining is finding faults. Wisdom is finding solutions.
6) Don’t let others control your happiness.
7) A prison is wherever you don’t wish to be.
8) Good or bad, who know? It is relative.
9) How many times should you forgive someone? Always ‘One More Time’.
10) Happiness is a state of mind. You can therefore change your state of mind.
11) Wars are fought over ideas and over who is right and who is wrong. Harmony is much more important than being right.
12) If you are always judging, you will find no happiness and you will have no wisdom.
13) Less expectations, less anger.
14) Suffering is asking the world what it can’t give you.
15) The secret of life is you can’t control everything.
16) There is no right or wrong decision, only a decision with consequences.
17) Unpleasant events are expected to happen in life and they happen to everyone. The difference is in how you respond to it.
18) When you expect less, you will appreciate more.
19) A fault finding mind will not bring happiness.
20) If you truly love your spouse, your love would be unconditional.