Do Your Kids a Favour…Love Your Spouse By Kendra Smiley







For the past few weeks, I have been purchasing family resource books to stock up the small library in my school’s SFE corner. I had purchased this book from the Focus on Family website. I thought the title really interesting, plus the book is the thinnest one from the pile I bought, and thus I picked it up. I wanted something I could share with other parents – that  how you love your spouse and how you treat your spouse sends the message of security to the children, and perhaps teach the kids a thing or two on how to pick their sfuture pouses based on their parent’s marriage…or any other messages.

One of the criterion in my purchase of books for the school is that the books must not have any religious context. I checked the covers of every book, looked through the fine prints at the back before I clicked ‘buy’.

At this point, I must apologise to the school for picking the ‘wrong’ book. This book is filled with quotations from the Bible, plus it is intended to be read by the Christian readers. As the world becomes more globalised, I wished the publisher had the sensitivity to state this fact on the cover or the back.

I decided to ignore the religious context and just focus on the positive parenting or marriage aspect. Did i learn anything new?

This would have been a great pre-marriage book rather than one written for parents. If I expected more linkage between marriage and parenting, I was disappointed. There are few. While the writer tries to incorporate her own life stories as case histories, they are hollow and does not click with me – an Asian, free-thinking mother.

However, some topics she brings up in the book is worth considering though – The gender difference (skip if you have read Men are from Mars series), Personality difference, baggage, family traditions and identity theft.

In her discussion on personality difference, she includes a personality test. Unfortunately, even after going through, I cannot decide which personality I belong to. I seem to be in between The Powerful Choleric and The Perfect Melancholy (an extrovert who is a doer and optimist, and an introvert who is a thinker and pessimist – split personality?)

In the chapter on Family Traditions, her examples are too simplistic. Would parents really hanker over when to open Christmas presents or set up the tree? In a world where inter-ethnic marriages (like that of my sister and her German husband) are common nowadays, I would have appreciated tips on how keeping the family traditions alive brings a sense of appreciation of the family to the children.

Perhaps by skipping over all the biblical verses, I have missed out on something. Otherwise, read some other books instead to improve your marriage.





About vickychong

Just an ordinary woman.
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