Biting my tongue

I have been told I speak my mind. Frank, direct, sometimes bordering on offensive. Friends who know me accept this, probably because they too share the same traits. Those who can’t remain silent in resignation as they feel it’s futile to change me.  However recently, after reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, I am very aware of my ego – the unconscious self. Am I the one speaking, arguing or defending, or is that my ego speaking? Must I be right? Must I be the one to first give the news on any gossips? All ego – unconscious self.

During last week’s Mother’s Day dinner with my large group of relatives, I was an observer rather than a participant on the PAP bashing. I witnessed the collective ego on the rise. Even the usually quiet ones were enthusiastic in their contributions on why we should support the opposition. They probably did not see me pursing my lips in disapproval and disagreement. In this collective ego state, they probably did not even notice the unusually quiet me.

Yesterday, it was the same thing at yoga class. All the ajummas have something to say, grievances to gripe, personal encounters to complaint on everything PAP -long political theory that I never knew was brewing inside them. Despite my being aware of my ego, I can’t help thinking: here you are in PA’s CC, enjoying cheap yoga classes (ok, that’s subjective when free yoga classes are available elsewhere) to build a healthier body and yet still complaining about the one who made it all possible.

Someone called me a PAP Bitch on this site. (I wish he had used better terms like PAP Belle, or PAP Beauty or PAP Bebe…) I never was, until I was labelled that. Is it in defiance that I started supporting the PAP? Or is it the years of practicing ‘Appreciation’ finally bearing fruits?

Politics is all about playing with emotions. Eckhart Tolle says there exists a pain body in humans that feeds on emotion(especially negative ones like anger, envy), dramas and violence. It’s nowhere more obvious than now, where emotions are riding high for politicians and voters alike.

Overheard :

‘I am angry cos they told me the $1500 is enough for my sick mother. I have never or will never vote for them.’

‘My new 5 room flats is almost $700K. Ridiculous! Oh, why am I upgrading from 3 room to 5 rooms? So that I can downgrade later and make the difference.’

‘Support the opposition for their guts, also so that they don’t lose their deposits.’

Grandma even told me, ‘You’re supporting the PAP, boey zai si!’ (不知死, suicidal)

As you can see, although I bit my tongue,  I’m still a long way to go from getting rid of my ego and emotion. But, being aware of it is good enough for now.

Just know this: I am biting my tongue now not because I agree with you. It’s just that I am practising to be more conscious in this dysfunctional world.


About vickychong

Just an ordinary woman.
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