Self Esteem


People sometimes give me too much credit, much to my surprise. After all, I don’t dress like a successful woman – jewellery, branded goods, etc – much less a career woman. (When friends see me in a dress, they wonder about the occasion.) I don’t talk down to people (at least I hope I don’t), not that successful people do, but…you know what I mean. I guess this have something to do with my self-esteem. High self-esteem gives the person the outlook of success. So I always thought I have a high self-esteem, nurtured through the years from wisdom from reading a lot.

Conversely, not every one of high position has high self-esteem. My friend tells about how insecure her expat MD is he has to kiss asses. She says, ‘If he wants to kiss ass, make sure his lips stick close and never leave that ass.’

I also know of someone who orders waitresses and maids around just to show that they are of a higher hierarchy instead of politely putting in her requests. Is that tone of voice really necessary? I often wonder when I hear her.

That’s why they say, bully often has low self-esteem. Ditto for those who join gangs.

I guess people assume just because I stay at a landed home, have my own car, don’t work, I am automatically a tai-tai.

Once during facial, I lamented about my poor skin condition – oily, open pores etc. The reason I gave was that I spent too much time outdoor in the sun.

‘在外面跑来跑去做生意. ‘ Nodded the therapist understandingly.

‘不是’, I answered. ‘晒衣服.’

She laughed. ‘You are so amusing!’

Yesterday someone told me how fortunate I am. I have part-time cleaners, eat at mom’s place, drive my own car, and basically too much free time. I didn’t boast all these but just stated it to her as a matter of fact as I drove her somewhere together.

The fact is, I have been offered a part-time job, since many deem me to be having too much free time. The job pays $10K a year and I need only to work 20 hours/week. The job was practically shoved at me as I was told, I am perfect for it.

I’m still hesitating. What if I don’t do a good job? What if there’s politics to deal with? What if…

Now I wonder, where is my self-esteem?

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About vickychong

Just an ordinary woman.
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