I was reading this article in Oprah (yes, my favourite mag) and the issue had this quiz to test the state of your marriage. The quiz is about how well you know your partner. As I skim through the first 6 questions, I had a slight panic attack. I can tell you I don’t even know the answers to these questions about myself, much less Mike’s. Thank goodness out of the 22 questions, other than the first 6, the rest were Yes, which put me in the 15 or more Yes answers category. I re-produce the test here for you.
Research shows that one of the most important features of successful relationships is the depth of the friendship. Do you know your partner’s inner world?
1. I can name my partners’s best friends.
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dream.
5. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life.
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
10. My partner really respects me.
11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.
12. Romance is defintely still part of our relationship.
13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
14. My partner generally likes my personality.
15. Our sex life us mostly satisfying.
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
18. We just love talking to each other.
19. There is lots of give and take (both parties have influence) in our discussions.
20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS:
15 or more YES : Congrats! Your friendship and your marriage are strong.
8-14 : There are many strengths that you can build on, but there are also some weaknesses that need attention. While counselling is an option, you might also benefit from simply spending more time together doing activities that you both enjoy, or scheduling a vacation during which you can reconnect.
7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this worries you, you probably still value the relationship enough to get help. Consider seeking the advice of a trained couples therapist or taking a marriage retreat where you can focus on mending your relationship.
Source: Dr John Gottman and the Gottman Institute, gottman.com
I showed Mike the quiz and he scored pretty highly too.
Even without doing the test, I’m quite confident of my marriage. The friendship between us is strong and he can be considered as one of my best friends, among the many friends who would have also answered Yes (other than the sexual questions) to most of the questions above if this was a friendship quiz. At this age, I am matured enough sieve out those friends who do not have share the same values and cherish those who do.