With many of my friends’ kids joining the dating scene, we recently shared some interesting discussions.
Would you allow your daughter to go on a vacation alone with her boyfriend? What about in a group?
Would you allow your son’s girlfriend to stay overnight?
Would you allow your daughter to stay overnight at her boyfriend’s house?
Apparently, my friends are all ‘outdated’. They are quite sure the above are not happening with their kids, so much so that a friend is going along on a vacation with her daughter and her BF, pulling along another son to make it a foursome.
So what is the concern? I asked them. Virginity? Face? What?
My guess is, as mothers, how our children behaves reflect upon us as mothers. We like our daughters who are singles to bahave as singles do in the correct order as prescribed by Jane Austen – get married first, then sleep together (whether sex is involved or not is besides the point)…then have kids.
Am I outdated? My friend wailed.
I believe values/morals cannot be dated. You either have it or you don’t. It doesn’t mean that just because everyone is doing it makes it ok. Getting a proposal from your BF while preparing for bed in a hotel room in a foreign country may sound romantic to a single woman but would receive a frown of disapproval from any mothers.
But how can you start forbidding them when they are legallly adults? I asked them back. You can’t start barking about values and sex when they start dating. You should have discussed with them before.
So what about me? No daughters (phew!!), three sons.
I tell my sons, treat girls/women with respect. Think about how their mothers would view you and your mother.
And no, my sons are not allowed to bring any girls home overnight as long as they are staying with their parents. If they should decide to live independantly, then they may do as they wish as responsible adults.
Yes, they may vacation with their girl friends, but be warned, I have a frown on my face as I wave them off and a frown when they return. (I know, who cares right? Ya, they can bloody well do their own laundry then!)