Last week, i made a decision to no longer interfere in Ivan’s affairs. It was a hard decision to make, as I have to literally bite my tongue and turn a blind eye to his idling ways, even though his prelims is just around the corner.
When my friend Bee heard that I cried myself to sleep, she told me I have done all I can. In her words, 骂也骂了, 打也打了, 只差赶出大门. What else can you do? If a person is on the ground and would only stand if you are propping him from behind or pulling his hand, would he ever stand independently? The moment you let go, the person will go right down. Isn’t it better for Ivan to fail at 16 and learn the lesson than to fail at 40? Afterall, 16 year olds should be old enough to make wise choices for themselves.
I thought about it and what she said made a lot of sense. I’ve made Ivan sit at the table every night to study, but the moment my back is turned, he is either in bed or in the toilet. Whenever I thought he was in his room studying, he was actually secretly playing Catch Mouse on FB.
Teenagers rebel. That’s what i was told. But what is there to rebel against? Their independence? It’s akin to a politics. Here we have a group of independent fighters, and yet have they ever considered if they have equipped themselves if they were to win the war? Have they really won? Who is the actual loser?
It’s the same as learning the piano. Last night, I told Andreas he may drop piano after his exams in Sept. It’s pointless for me to nag at him to practise if he doesn’t want to. Better to save some money. To my surprise, instead of jumping for joy, he said he’ll consider. Perhaps he is wiser now. Giving up now is like giving up at 3/4 point of running a marathon.
Parenting is more tiring than running the marathon. I feel I have just ran passed the 21km mark, and I have another 21km more to go. This is where the runner makes a decision if he wants to continue. Very rarely do runners give up at 3/4 point.
I’ve decided to cut the apron strings to my teenagers. My sister, bless her, reminds me that I have one more, the last one whom I have invested the most effort and time on. Well, I’ll do my best for him, but only if he wants the best.To think I have to deal with another teenager in 4 years’ time makes me want to stop my race at half point now and just let him be.
I know I’m supposed to practise the law of attraction but I can only do so for myself and not my kids. The LOA works if only you really want it and you can’t want it for someone else.
Bee was right when she reminded me that O’levels is just one exam a parent can witness the failure in a child, and other than exams, there are many things one can fail in. Business, marriage, life, etc.
As a parent, I have to be prepared.